Boy, computers sure make things easier for businesses and
government don’t they? It allows them to fire lots of people who need a job,
and then the support staff all gets outsourced so there are even more people
out of work. And then we need to spend more on unemployment, welfare, food
stamps, etc., but with less working people to pay taxes to fund these programs.
Yea! It’s a recipe for disaster that’s really
delicious (but unsurprisingly, fattening).
But computers taking over for humans isn’t always a good thing. Yes, sadly
sometimes the computers meant to make our lives easier have the wrong
information in them, and then we’re screwed. And you can’t tell a computer its
information is wrong, you just have to suck it. And sometimes the computers
just tell you you can’t do the perfectly reasonable thing you want to do, so
tough. Here are a few examples of what I’m referring to that happened to me,
all quite recently:
Driver’s License Renewal: I had to renew my driver’s license,
and I got a letter from the California DMV stating that since I have renewed my
driver’s license through the mail the last two times, I must now come in to the
DMV to obtain my next renewal. Except that they didn’t send me a renewal
application last time, so my license expired and I had to go to the DMV and
jump through all sorts of hoops to get it renewed, including taking the written
test again, showing multiple forms of identification (they even wanted my birth
certificate!), etc., before I could get it, and it literally took from the
moment they opened their doors to the end of the work day to finish everything
I had to do. So I called the DMV, and after navigating this robot voice maze
and being on hold forever, the person I spoke to said the computer said I had
to go to the DMV anyway despite going in person last time, so I had to go: the facts didn’t even
matter, only what was in the computer. Whoo-hoo!
Jury Duty: I got a summons for jury duty which told me I had
to show up in the middle of my annual trip to visit my family across the
country. The tickets were nonrefundable, so I had to delay it. So I went online
to register and to see what my options were, but the website was down for
weekly maintenance or some such thing, so it told me to try back in a couple of
hours. And I tried back every few hours for almost a week, but it was still
giving me the same message. So I called, and I registered over the phone with a
computer with a robot voice. So the robot voice told me I could delay my jury
service for up to six months from the date I was originally scheduled, so I
picked a date that was five months ahead. Oh, but the computer robot voice said
that was more than six months. But it
wasn’t: it was five months, which is less
than six months. So I said, okay, and I tried four and a half months ahead, and
the computer said it was more than six months, so I had to try again. Then I
tried one that was not quite four months ahead, and it accepted that. But it
lied to me about how long six months was and forced me to do things that are
far more restrictive than the policy stated. And I couldn’t tell the robot
voice it was wrong, even though it clearly was. (Actually, I did, but it didn’t
listen, nor did it offer an option to speak with a human being.) And there was
no option to speak with a real person whatsoever unless I wanted to show up on
the date I was originally assigned, which I couldn’t because I would be across
the country on that day.
Account Password: There was a massive hacker attack which
stole millions upon millions of passwords revealed this week, and having an
account with one of these websites, I decided I should change my password just
to be on the safe side. Oh, but the fascist computer decided it didn’t like the
password I had chosen, so it wouldn’t let me use it, despite the fact that it
had letters and numbers and symbols. So I tried to contact the website, but its
support page was so ridiculously long and requested all of my personal
information merely to contact them, so I couldn’t do it. The way the hackers
got everything was with keystroke readers, and if I’m infected with this (I
doubt I am, but you never know…), I would be giving them every last bit of what
they need to steal my identity by jumping through the hoops necessary to just
ask a simple question from this damn website. Holy crap, what an idiotic way of
doing things! So they make it impossible to change my password into one I don’t
have to write down (which defeats the whole purpose of having a password to
begin with!), and they make it impossible to even ask them about this stupid,
stupid issue. So now my password is some nonsensical jumble of crap, since it
assigned one for me, not liking my chosen one. Dictatorial computer interfaces,
insufferably unattainable support personnel: Holy unhelpfulness, Batman!
Yes, computers can really suck when they get things wrong,
because you can’t correct them. It just doesn’t even matter what the truth is
anymore: if it’s in the computer, it becomes the truth. And with everyone laid
off and support in India (or wherever the hell it is, with people speaking with
heavy accents pretending to have American first names), you’re just going to
have to live with it. Nyah!
That’s progress for you!
