When I lived in New York City back in the 1990s, they had a new subway print ad campaign running in the trains that would try to reprogram people’s feelings about the subway. I think this was some sort of program by the Giuliani administration to try to get people comfortable riding the subway again, so that they could more easily be victimized by New York’s criminals, and thus generate more “jobs” for the city’s miscreants. Actually, that’s a joke, as the Giuliani period helped clean up the city a lot, and that’s why I left. I hate clean cities; they might as well be the country! (That’s a joke too, but it’s also true that horrible living conditions in urban areas always lead to an explosion of creativity and all kinds of new art forms blossom and flourish, like punk rock in the 1970s, and rap in the 1980s. So perhaps Detroit is in for a coming renaissance! Here’s hoping, anyway!)
So these subway ads were called: “SubTalk”, and they would seek to profess all the better attributes the subway had allegedly acquired recently. So they would tout their more punctual service, and they would brag about all the new lines they had running (many of which have since been canceled, I think), and they would attempt to lie about how safe it was now to ride the trains at night, etc. And there were also some that would give you colorful little reasons for why riding the subway was enriching for one’s life, like that you’d hear other languages on the train, or that the trains would take you to Lincoln Center, where they could chisel you for opera tickets or something. I wish I remembered what some of the old SubTalk ads really were, because some of them were quite good, and other were quite funny. But anyway, they would almost always inspire jokes with the riders of the trains.
So now that I have just returned to Southern California from a recent New York City visit, I wanted to share some joke ads I came up with for the subway in NYC, especially since I noticed while I was there that they now have a brand new campaign running in the subway that’s almost identical to the old SubTalk campaign, except I think it’s not called: “SubTalk” anymore. So the following are fake, joke ads to “promote” the New York City subway system:
The Subway: Free classes in abnormal psychology offered daily! (There is a picture of some grubby crazy person yammering threateningly at some scared person who is trying to ignore him.)
The Subway: Provides free opportunities to practice self-defense skills every night! (There is a picture of a nerd in a martial-arts pose while a bunch of gang members laugh at him.)
Rush Hour on the Subway: An opportunity to “get a little closer”! (There is a picture of some disgusting pervert creepily ogling and pressing up against some pretty girl who looks disgusted and angry. {This is in the middle of a subway car with people packed in like a can of sardines.})
The Subway: Relieve yourself of unwanted valuables without ever leaving your seat! (There is a picture of some pickpocket relieving some guy of his wallet, while another one relieves a lady of her necklace while she reads her e-reader, and yet another one is stealing her pocketbook out of her purse.)
The Subway: If you can’t afford a spa, summer days in the subway are like a free steam-room or sauna! (There is a picture of people in dress clothes soaked completely through with sweat and looking absolutely miserable sweltering on a subway platform.)
The Subway: Get exposed to all the new music! (There is a picture of a young guy in a leather jacket and green Mohawk blasting a jam-box and smiling, with annoyed people holding their ears all around him. This would also work with a rapper-looking guy as well.)
