Patrick Cox from Tax Masters is always on TV asking if we’re being audited so he can cash-in on it. Have you ever seen how fat this guy is? He should really be simply a “talking head” (because you can’t really tell from his head how large his stomach is), or perhaps just a voice. Or maybe he could be a cartoon character of himself, so we wouldn’t notice how obese he is. They could even use CGI to make him look thinner! But it’s too late: we already know. So he may as well make the ad we’re all thinking of anyway!
So here is the ad he should make: He has a shot of him from the waist up in a 5-star restaurant, and the chefs are beginning to look stressed out and panicked. So the maître d’ sends some waiter or busboy out to the grocery store, and they come back toward the end of the spot with all the bags they can carry. And so Mr. Cox says: “Hi. I’m Patrick Cox of Tax Masters. Are you being audited? I hope so, because I’ve got a huge stomach to fill up, and I only like eating the very best! In fact, if you don’t call me up right now to work for you, I’m going to call the IRS and say that you’re evading taxes! Then you’ll need my services! Yeah, you’ll come crawling, groveling at my feet then! And if you say I’m fat, I’ll refuse to help you! So come on over to Tax Masters today, and we’ll fix your tax problems: guaranteed! Oh, and bring some food with you, as I’m always hungry! But it better be the best, because we’re the best!”
Oh, and sorry to make fun of his weight: I know it’s a cheap shot, but whenever you see some really fat lawyer on television, making some ad trying to cash in on your problems, what else are you going to think of? I can’t help it! (You know you do it too!) Besides, ABC News suggests there may be some funny-stuff going on with these guys! See?:
Here is an example of the Tax Masters ads:
And here is another one:
And another thing: Why do they call it “garnishing wages”? Doesn’t that sound like they’re just putting a piece of parsley on your check or something?
