Yes, the movie Season of the Witch is coming out on home video soon, and just to get us extra-scared, they’re showing us frightening images in the new ads they didn’t use for the original theater release ads. This might be a good idea, since the film was a flop in general release, but the only problem is, they’re using dogs to try to scare us. Other movies try to do this, and I don’t think it’s a very good idea. You see, we love our dogs here in America, and so trying to scare us with them is kind of like trying to terrify us with a mean-looking American flag: it just won’t work, I’ll bet.
So they’ve got clips from these shots of these dogs snarling at the camera, and they're so fuzzy, and cute, and warm, and they’re so soft, and cuddy, and ooh, you’re a good boy! Yes you are! You’re such a good doggy! Come here and lick my face, you fuzzy-cutie! Oh, sorry, that was supposed to be scary, wasn’t it? But you see the problem here, don’t you? The only experiences I’ve had with dogs have been really positive ones, except for once when I was a little kid, and a big German Shepherd ran up and barked in my face. But he just scared me, and he didn’t mean any harm, I’ll bet: he was just being territorial about his yard by barking on the edge of it while I was walking down the sidewalk. And it was only really scary because he was a lot bigger and me, and he had sharp teeth, and I didn’t know anything about dog behavior yet. Oh, plus he appeared out of nowhere from an opaque and tall wall of hedges, so it surprised and startled me as well.
In fact, even the drug/explosives-sniffing dog at the airport recently was really a positive experience, even if he/she was profiling me, since he/she was so cute! They say they use dogs for this stuff because they have such a sensitive sense of smell, and because they obey commends well; but I think they really use them to catch us all off guard with how cute and furry they are, so we’ll just want to pat them, and we’ll be too distracted by cuteness to remember they’re trying to catch us for stuff.
And as it turns out, the only real negative experiences I’ve ever had with dogs have been with those little teensy spoiled mini-lap-dogs that girls always like to have because they’re more brown-nosing than cats. These stupid annoying little pieces of crap are combative and ill-tempered as all get-out! And they all have that little-guy Napoleon aggression issue of having to make up for their size in their own mind, even though nobody is challenging them. If you watch big dogs get harassed by toy-dogs, you’ll notice they mostly won’t even acknowledge their behavior or even existence: that’s because they don’t want to encourage them, and they don’t want to look like bullies, either, by giving them what they deserve, which is a good lesson-teaching!
So trying to scare us with dogs in horror movies is probably not the most effective idea. They’re soft and cute, and we just want to hug them and say: “Puppy!” when we see them. I understand that movie-writers perhaps think that we all have some subconscious fear of dogs because they have sharp teeth or something, but they also have wet noses, baleful eyes, furry bodies, and really cute faces and fun personalities. Maybe I’d feel differently if I were ever attacked by a guard-dog or a police dog, but as it is, I still just want to pat them, even when they bark at me.
