There is more concern these days about the threat of Chinese espionage. They’re peeking through all of our keyholes and trying to steal all of our secrets, and I’ll tell you how they’re going to be able to do it without us finding out about it until it’s too late! And then they’re taking over!
It’s all because of the tyranny of our liberal “politically correct” culture that we’re so vulnerable! Commie spies have been browbeating people for saying off-color things for years, hoping to get us all to follow their example (and get us to turn on each other and divide our nation that way), and we’ve fallen right into their trap! They’re going to pull some diversion over purported racism or something to distract us, and then, while we’re all busy indicting each other for racism or insensitivity or just plain offensiveness, they’ll steal all of our military and corporate secrets and get away before we know what hit us! Then they’ll use all these secrets to force us under the yolk of Communist oppression, and it’s all because of political correctness! To illustrate what I’m talking about, I just want you to take a quick look at this recent news story (I know some of you have seen this from an earlier post, but think of it as doubling your pleasure like Double Mint Gum.):
That’s right! Some Brit got arrested in his own country just for singing some pop song! (The song was “Kung Fu Fighting”, and he sung it with an Asian present or something.) I mean, we all know it must have been racist, just because a Brit did it, but apart from that, it’s really pretty ridiculous! But seriously, this is clearly China’s strategy for world domination! They’re going to use our own political correctness against us to defeat us too! It’s obvious! Some guy (a non-Asian Chinese spy! There’s more and more of them now, you know!*) will suggest that some Asian guy is familiar with some Shaw Brothers movie, and if that doesn’t make the guy angry enough, then he’ll insist that the Asian guy must at least know how to fight like Bruce Lee, and then, while everyone is distracted with the issue of whether or not it’s racist, it will be their (China’s) chance to strike! It’s definitely plausible, right?
Yes, while everyone is busy debating it all and throwing out accusations of racism and cultural insensitivity in all directions, China will launch their attack and catch everyone off guard! The only ones who will be left standing to resist are the real racists, who knew that Kung Fu movies were a commie plot to distract us from the Chinese threat all along. And then all you liberals will have to depend on racists to defend your freedom to call them racists! (Do you think China will let you call people racists when they’re in charge? No way, man! That is divisive and disruptive to society and productivity! You’ll all be re-educated!) And I’ll bet after they save your asses, you’ll be so busy blaming each other for insensitivity and offensive language, etc., that you won’t even notice that you were all saved by racists after all. I’m not saying racists are great or anything; I’m just saying that they’re going to be the only ones not caught up in this whole Chinese political correctness plot, since the racist stuff won’t bother them, and so they’ll be alert to the threat. Oh, and they also won’t be worried about whether it seems racist to claim that there’s a Chinese plot being hatched. And they have a lot of assault weapons and stuff. I’m just saying. Deny it if you like, but you know I’m right!
Okay, there is also another possibility for how China is going to steal all of our secrets and conquer us all and make us their subservient peons, and they may be doing it already! It may even be how they’ve stolen everything that they have up to now (in which case then political correctness is just annoying)! Now beware of this possibility, because this is probably true and happening everywhere right now: China may have the technology to place nano-sized video cameras and microphones on all of the Chinese food takeout containers delivered from all the Chinese restaurants in the United States. They’ve probably been doing it all along! I’m not saying that the Chinese restaurants are in cahoots with the Chinese government, because they may not even realize it themselves! They just get all these free take out delivery containers from the Chinese government, and they don’t know that they really come from the Chinese spy agency! And they always have! How else could they have gotten so many secrets? Think of it: every time any inventor or spy or government official in the United States ever got Chinese food, they were unwittingly bringing in a spybot to their own offices themselves! And they themselves have facilitated the destruction their own country without even being aware of it! You know it’s true! (Hell, we’ve been doing the same thing to them with our Happy Meal toys at the Chinese McDonald’s! {Oops! That’s supposed to be super-secret! Sorry.})
* Here's just the latest of many stories about Americans convicted of spying for China:
