An article on Yahoo! Shine today lists 5 ways to get your body to burn more fat. But they’re not really being very helpful. There are better, more effective ways to get your body to do stuff like this that they don’t want you to know about (because they’re peace-loving hippies).
Everyone knows that fear is a great motivator. It’s worked for gangsters and dictators for years! Want your body to burn more fat? Have you tried threats and intimidation? It always works! Tell your body that if it doesn’t burn off that fat, you’ll cut off your arm! You’ll be thin by the next day. And if you’re not, cut it off! You don’t want your body to think you’re just making empty threats, now do you? And guess what happens when you start cutting off parts of your body? That’s right: you lose weight! In fact, if you cut off the parts with the most fat on them, maybe you’d never have to diet ever again!
Now, this approach might not be for everyone. Some people would rather torture themselves with brutal exercise. Not me! I just make threats of violence, and my pansy-ass body simply sheds the pounds out of fear. See? There are sometimes benefits to being a coward.
Here’s the article, but don’t listen to them!:
