This, for those of you who don’t know, is the ad where it shows a guy who looks like Paul Ryan pushing an old lady in a wheelchair over a cliff. It turns out that this actually really is real footage of Paul Ryan pushing an actual old lady over a cliff! Now I know that this looks really bad, but it has just come to my attention that this whole thing has been taken out of context!
Okay, I know how this looks, but it’s not what you think. Yes, I’ll admit that Paul Ryan really and truly pushed and old lady in a wheelchair off of a cliff, but he had good reason to do it, and this Agenda Project guy, if that even is his real name, is trying to twist it into something that makes Paul Ryan look bad! It’s totally unfair!
Okay, here’s what happened: When Paul Ryan was a child, his entire family was murdered by a hippie gang inspired by the Manson Family. He swore to get revenge, and he had secretly gotten them all before he began his political career; well, all except for one, that is. Yes, I’m afraid that this nice-looking old lady is really a vicious cult killer who would be murdering you for Charles Manson right this very moment if Paul Ryan hadn’t saved you from her! Well, okay, maybe also if she wasn’t confined to a wheelchair. But she always could have rolled into a grocery store and then asked you to reach up and get something for her that’s on a high shelf, and then when you reached up to get it for her, she could pull out a huge kitchen knife and disembowel you while laughing hysterically and pulling your guts all out into her lap! You know it’s true! And Paul Ryan has saved us all from that maniac. Why, we should all be grateful! I know when you see a senior citizen being pushed off a cliff, the first thing that comes into your mind is not the fact that they probably deserved it for crimes committed in their past. But a lot of them probably do! Instead of just assuming that it’s Paul Ryan who’s the villain of this piece, why don’t we stop and ask ourselves what she must have done to deserve it?
Agenda Project, shame on you! You knew Paul Ryan saved you from Granny Manson, and you still stabbed him in the back just like she was going to do if he hadn’t gotten to her first! So what’s the deal here? Why are you trying to get him in trouble for it? Were you her accomplice in those horrendous crimes? Are you just mad that you can’t go slaughter people with her anymore like you did in the 1960s and 70s? I know what’s up with you, man! You’re probably a murderer yourself! Or maybe you just care about old people and don’t want Republicans to ruin Medicare. It’s probably one of those things, I’m just not sure which.
(Before I posted this, I felt I had to be sure that Paul Ryan’s family wasn’t really killed by hippies by looking him up on Wikipedia. Is this the same kind of crap journalists have to do? Check on facts and stuff? What a drag! I’d just blow it off if I were a journalist. Making stuff up is way more fun!)
