So today begins Mayor Bloomberg’s latest attempt to kill off every last vestige of what made New York City the great cultural oasis it once was.* That’s right: nobody’s allowed to smoke outdoors anymore. Thanks, Mayor Buzzkill! Or is it really Mayor Arsonist? For you see, when nobody is allowed to smoke outdoors anymore, everyone will be forced to smoke indoors only! And then, naturally, the next step is to make it the law for everyone to only be allowed to smoke in bed, where they’re bound to fall asleep and burn to death! So Bloomberg is obviously trying to get smokers to burn themselves to death while smoking: an ironic death indeed! But in his insane thirst for their blood, or crispy tenders of their meat, Hizzonna has forgotten that smokers live in buildings with other people, and they’ll all burn to death in the resulting infernos! So he’s trying to kill us all! Aaaaa! (Perhaps it’s a corrupt deal to clear out new space for Trump to build in?)
As we all know, it’s the unexpected stuff like second-hand smoke that makes New York City great! I know the left-wing hippies are claiming victory, but without the aroma of cigarette smoke to cover it up, the foul, putrid stench of urine and underarms will permeate the air! People will begin vomiting in the streets, buses and subways! It will be so all-pervasive that everyone will be slipping on the puke and breaking their hips and skulls open on the streets! The hospitals will be inundated with victims, spiraling medical costs past the breaking point in this state that’s already drowning in red ink!
Oh, but Bloomberg knows all of this! He’ll claim that only a fourth and fifth term for him as mayor can help solve these new problems, since he’s a billionaire and could help pay the medical cost over-runs (but only if he gets to be mayor!). So, obviously, this is all a plot by the current mayor to get the citizens of the city to beg him to do away with term-limits forever so he can rule as king with unlimited powers and fleece Wall Street banks with unchecked power so he can buy his way onto the throne of the first world government run by him alone! Nice try, Mr. Bloomberg, but we’re on to you now, man!
* Yes, New York was once a great city, but since they robbed us of the joys of heroin, crack and prostitution running amok in our streets, along with the ability to step over nodded-out junkies and drunks in the street (and now public smoking!), they’ve destroyed every last vestige of what made it a great metropolis. I’m afraid New York is destined for the proverbial “scrap-heap of history”, like the Soviet Union. (BTW: It is a little-known fact that an outdoor smoking ban is what really led to the fall of the Soviet Union, and the United States is next if it’s allowed to happen here! Heed the warning of history and resist this violation of the rights of smokers to make everyone cough and wheeze and pine for a cigarette themselves!)
Here’s the story from CNN (The Cigarette No-Nos):
