New York City subways are embarking on a program to allow musical groups and solo performers to play legally in the city’s subway stations to bring culture and entertainment to the daily commute. This sounds like (Get it? “Sounds like”? Ha ha ha! Oh, sorry…) a great idea, but whether or not it’s cool will depend upon them selecting the right bands. Oh, yes; I neglected to mention that the city is going to choose who gets to play what kind of music there. So I’m guessing it’s going to be a lot of jazz and classical crap. That’s stupid, because it’s already annoying enough to have to ride the subway with lots of smelly butt-grabbers and pan-handlers constantly harassing you without having to listen to lame Kenny G wannabes as the musical score for your lousy experience. Plus, this kind of music is not conducive to the environment; with lots of ambient noise, people coughing and sneezing, loud announcements, victims screaming from being mugged and stabbed, and the ear-splitting sound of trains zooming past and squeaking and squealing to a halt, the music will be barely audible anyway if you play light jazz or chamber music. But if they play hardcore punk rock or death metal, it will drown out every imaginable noise, even the inside-the-head voices commanding crazy people to kill everyone around them! (<And think of how many lives could be saved each year that way!) Plus, it would be totally awesome to have a punk rock band playing loud, raucous music that has everybody pogo-ing and slam-dancing on the platform, knocking each other onto the tracks to be smushed underneath arriving trains! Now that’s entertainment when you’re frustrated and disgusted with having to squeeze into jam-packed train cars like sardines every rush hour! And if they play metal music, it will help prevent terrorist attacks on the subway system, since this is the kind of music used in the “enhanced interrogation” techniques, and terrorists will be scared of it already. Yes, it’s a win-win alright! So let’s hope they do the right thing with this NYC subway “MUNI” project and pick lots of local New York punk and metal bands!
