Let’s Torture Everyone!

Some people are trying to throw a wet blanket over our terrorist torture party, and I just don’t understand why. I mean, think about it: what’s the point of having our tax money fund the CIA to arm and train these militant guys who come attack us later on if we’re not allowed to torture them? It just seems like we’ve spent all that money for nothing! I mean, right? Aren’t you tired of always having to just watch torture in movies and on TV? We never get to do it ourselves! It’s not fair! (Just kidding!)