I’m afraid it’s true: sometimes Muslims and their neighbors don’t get along here in the old US of A. Take this most recent example:
Yes, it seems that some guy has put up a sign in his driveway that reads: “Bomb Making Next Driveway”. Sounds innocuous enough? I’m afraid it’s not: his new neighbor is a mosque. But the funny thing is that the sign actually refers to his other neighbor, a fireworks manufacturer! And the mosque is blaming him for nothing, simply assuming that they’re being discriminated against! Okay, I’m kidding. The sign actually is intended to make the Muslims mad. Unless…
Okay, check this out: it may seem crazy, but that’s probably why it’s true! See, if it’s too unbelievable, then it’s the perfect cover! Right? Like the fact that the CIA hired Bigfoot to assassinate JFK! They all expected us to dismiss it as fantasy, but UFO researchers have known for years that Bigfoot is a crack shot with a bolt-action rifle! (Bigfeet {Bigfoots?} don’t have repeater-rifle technology, so they have to be good with the manual-loading guns or they’ll be overrun with pranksters offering them beef jerky!*) See, you and I know this, but since the Warren Commission didn’t have this kind of information, they inadvertently misdirected the population for decades and let the real killer go free to star in shaky handheld footage played on the “History” channel’s MonsterQuest series and stuff. So now a murderer and assassin is a reality TV star! Is there no justice? Oh, sorry, I was supposed to be talking about something else, huh?
Okay, so where was I? Oh yes… So what’s going on here with this guy and his sign next to the mosque is obviously a case of misdirection! Yes, the bomb making is actually going on in this guy’s garage! And he figured, what better way to distract attention away from his obvious illicit, underground IED factory than to try to point fingers at the mosque next door? It’s brilliant, really. Lots of people would readily believe that mosques are dangerous neighbors, even though they’re probably not, even when provoked like this. So he can go on forever making his explosive devices, and the only thing he’ll ever get in trouble for will be the sign! I mean, who would ever suspect that a guy with a sign accusing his neighbor of bomb making would actually be making bombs himself? (Even though he is!) It’s just like a guy with an “I’m with stupid” t-shirt on: that guy’s obviously not the stupid one, right? That’s why it’s so smart!
If the mosque wants to beat this guy at his own game, they should put up their own sign that says: “Islamophobe Racist Next Door, Who Is Also Making Bombs!” Then maybe the PC Police will go investigate who is being a racist, and then they’ll stumble onto the bomb factory, and call the real police! But then the police will probably say that the bombs were found without an appropriate warrant, and they’ll have to drop the charges. (Hey, I’ve seen Law & Order! I know how the system works!) But then the guy will be under the watchful eyes of the law, and then he’ll have to move away if he wants to keep on making all those bombs (and you know he does!). See? Problem solved.
* Here’s what I’m talking about, those Jack Links ads:
