Many people I know have exhibited a perplexed look and a sense of confusion at the idea of Popeye opening a chain of chicken restaurants, but this is understandable. After all, Popeye is best know for his association with another kind of food entirely, namely spinach. Unsurprisingly, Popeye’s original vision for his restaurant chain was much more spinach-oriented. Yes, he was planning on serving up delicious spinach soufflés, spinach pies, spinach croquettes, spinach salads, creamed spinach, spinach soup, and spinach shakes, and in fact, that’s what the original menu consisted of. But there was a problem. Can you think of what it might have been? Yes, I’m afraid it’s true: Popeye’s Spinach restaurant chain was a victim of battery and was ultimately destroyed by violence.
It all makes sense when you think about it: whenever he ate spinach in his cartoons, what happened? He started punching people, right? He couldn’t help it; it was like opening a can of whoop-ass whenever he opened a can of spinach. In fact, there really ought to be a brand of “Whoop-Ass Spinach”. In fact, I don’t know why he didn’t see it coming. Popeye opening a spinach restaurant and expecting peace and quiet was a ridiculously short-sighted plan. If it (spinach) made him start punching everyone in sight, wouldn’t it do the same to other people as well? And actually it did: once they took a bite of any of Popeye’s delicious spinach-based concoctions, they instinctively began to lash out, attacking everyone around them. The violence exploded throughout the dining rooms, spilling out into the parking lots. Brutal riots were being sparked day and night, so much so that the police were forced close the restaurants. Attack victims clogged up the local emergency rooms, creating a shortage of hospital beds and causing a drastic increase in local business employees missing work due to injury. The local economy was in tatters, and as the lawsuits piled up, Popeye realized he was going to have to do something else to help pay his legal fees and settlements. Spinach wasn’t going to come to his rescue this time, so he decided on selling fried chicken.
And that’s how Popeye’s came to open a fried chicken restaurant chain: because he had to. But he’s been trying to get revenge ever since with his tongue-burning, mouth-scalding spicy chicken. Take that, you pansies!
