As we all know, there is a childhood obesity epidemic in America. Our First Lady is trying to force us to feed kids yucky-tasting crap they hate to solve it, but this is obviously not the solution. Everyone knows that fat kids can wear loose sweat clothes and shoplift all the Ding Dongs and Devil Dogs they like, and anyone who catches them will be oppressed as an anti-overweight bigot; also, they’ll have to go to prison, since nobody is allowed to discipline children anymore. Others have suggested that if kids just got regular exercise in gym class, they’d be fit like their parents were, and that junk food is no different today than it used to be back then. But gym class is mean to fat kids, and since all the kids are fat now, it’s mean to everyone, so that’s no solution either; plus, it’s cheating. No, there is only one solution to this problem, and it’s clearly working around the world for other children: starvation.
Yes, I’m afraid that with all the new politically-correct rules we’ve got going on here, the only real solution to the problem of childhood obesity is deprivation. This is obviously why President Obama, nagged by his wife Michelle, is driving our economy and national debt over the cliff. Once our economy collapses and we’re a third-world country, all the kids will go hungry, and it will solve the obesity epidemic. Hey, it’s the only way they can solve it without people complaining about the insensitivity of how they’re doing it, since it’s an indirect-enough solution that most people won’t even realize that’s why it’s being done. Sure, we’ll all have to live in poverty and without employment, but at least we won’t outlive our kids just because they’re fat, right? If anything, they won’t outlive us because they’ll look too delicious to resist eating. So they’ll either slim down from hunger or get eaten, and wouldn’t that be the most appropriate punishment for them making us have to spaz out about their obesity problem all along?
Here is the article that prompted this post:
