Everyone seems to have noticed that practically all of the 2012 Republican presidential candidates work for Fox News. This is usually met with either derision or indignation by people on the left side of the aisle, but perhaps they should stop for a minute and think of how hard things are for Fox in all of this. You see, since so many of the potential Republican candidates work for Fox News, when the 2012 campaign starts, they won’t have anyone left to cover it or even anchor their programs anymore! How are they going to cover the “news”?
I have what I think is the perfect solution to help both the Republican party and Fox News in this dilemma: Let Fox News choose the 2012 Republican candidate. Hey, they’re going to end up doing it indirectly anyway, right? They’ll pick a favorite and use their huge conservative propaganda machine to smear everyone else out of the race, right? And in so doing, they might make both themselves and their employees (the candidates) look so bad by the end of it that they indelibly tarnish their brand. And nobody wants that, right? Okay, so maybe some people want that, but that’s not the point.
But if Fox News picks the Republican candidate, it will save a lot of time and money for the network, and then they could spend it on their “fair and balanced” coverage of the Democratic candidates, showing how much they love abortions and hate Jesus and stuff. Look, this is serious stuff here! What if, in covering the Republican primary (and fawning all over the Republican candidates they like), they don’t have enough time left to indict the Democrats for all their Godless heathendom, homophilia, and blame-America-firstiness? That wouldn’t be fair or balanced, right?*
So let’s all agree to go with whoever Fox News tells us to, okay? If it works well this time, maybe next time we can let them pick the Democratic candidate too. (Come on! Who else is “fair and balanced” enough to trust with it?)
* It’s only fair for a news organization to display glowing adoration for Republicans if they also balance it with an equal amount of time on hatchet jobs bashing Democrats. That’s what “fair and balanced” means!
