Hey, now that we’ve got so many American cyclists, as well
as so many international cyclists, who have been caught for doping (or accused
and punished anyway without cheating), how about a new outlaw biker gang movie
fad? These movies could star Lance Armstrong, Floyd Landis, etc., and they
could be rebelling against the anti-doping authorities, just like the other
outlaw biker gangs rebelled against authority in their movies in the sixties!
(Plus, I think the authorities in those 1960s movies wanted to stop the bikers
from using dope too.)
So the plot of these movies could be as follows: The “outlaw
bikers” (the banned racing cyclists) could decide to race in some cycling race
they’re banned from, and they race in it against the rules. So the anti-doping
committee has to try to stop them from racing, and they try to catch them, but
they can’t catch them because they’re such great cyclists. So it would be kind
of like Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry, only on
bicycles instead of in badass muscle cars. And if the Hollywood movie studio
insisted on some hot love interest, maybe she could ride on the handlebars or
something. It would be great! Just like Smokey and the Bandit! (but with professional cyclists and anti-doping
authorities instead of cops and robbers.) Think of how zeitgeisty it would be!
And if this fad caught on, maybe banned cyclists could
secretly crash the races they’re banned from participating in just as a form of
protest! And it would create a whole new breed of “outlaw biker gang”! (Because
technically they’re breaking the rules by racing when they’re supposed to be
banned from the sport.) And then maybe they could form their own outlaw biker
gangs, like the “Banned Substances”, or the “Stripped Medals”, and harass other
cyclists when they’re trying to train for races and stuff. And they could ride chopper 10-speed bikes while wearing spandex motorcycle jackets and spiked WWI German Army helmets and stuff.
