Once again desperate to keep Americans from finding out the
truth about Bigfoot, who everyone knows is real, government agents have rushed
to the scene of a car accident that killed an actual Bigfoot, and replaced it
with a drunk guy in a military “ghillie suit”, designed to trick people into
thinking the wearer is Bigfoot.
People involved in the accident said they definitely killed
a real Bigfoot, and that they didn’t see him because they were looking up at
the flying saucer they were following. Then it is claimed that government
agents materialized out of nowhere and replaced the real Bigfoot with a fake
one.
Asked about the purpose of the “ghillie suit”, a military
spokesman said: “The ghillie suit is designed by paranormal experts to mimic
the real look and feel of an actual Bigfoot, and it is named after their pet Bigfoot, Ghillie. We generally use this type of suit
to scare enemy soldiers away, or else to get them scrambling for their cameras
so we can defeat them more easily. They generally feel silly after we capture
them with this ruse, but there’s always one of them who says they’ve actually
seen a real Bigfoot, and everyone shouldn’t laugh.”
Speculation from locals about why the government would take
the trouble to cover up a real Bigfoot ranged from: “They always do stuff like
that, don’t they?” to: “Well, what are we paying taxes for if they’re not going
to intrigue everybody with cover-ups and stuff?”
Here’s the sasquatch-squashing story:
