Mitt Romney has accidentally let it slip out in the past
that he supports a woman’s right to choose, and them’s fightin’ words for many
Republicans. Hopefully he’s lying when he says he’ll try to ban abortion, but
you never can tell with this guy, because he says so many different things
about what his positions are. But most Republicans are apparently vehemently
opposed to abortion, no matter what the circumstances. You know, for religious
reasons.
So according to them, there should be no exception to the
prohibition of abortion, no matter what. Not in the case of rape, not in the
case of incest, not in the case of extreme abnormalities. Even if the parents
aren’t filthy rich celebrity politicians who can easily afford the medical
costs and to have others take care of their children for them, they should have
to have the baby, no matter what’s wrong with it, and that’s that; even though
humanity has advanced to where we can detect these problems easily and end the
pregnancy early and just have a normal healthy baby a little later, apparently
that’s cheating or something. But what about another possibility…
Yes, what about in the case of Rosemary’s Baby? That’s Satan’s brat: the Antichrist; and he’s going
to lead the world astray and into misery, suffering, and depravity beyond
description! Why, by preventing the abortion of Rosemary’s Baby, they are
aiding Satan in the destruction of mankind: the corruption and destruction of
all of God’s work! Oh, my God: those monsters! Well, when God finds out about
this, He’s going to cancel their rapture. After all, how could He want to
rescue Satan’s little helpers when the apocalypse turns out to be their own
faults? (Although the Lord does work in mysterious ways, so maybe He’ll rapture
them anyway: who knows?)
And what about in the case of It’s Alive? That monster baby from It’s Alive kills everybody, even the doctor that delivered it! Oh, the humanity! There will be
carnage and chaos everywhere, with people perishing by the thousands, horribly
mauled and mutilated, and it could have been prevented easily! And they knew
this monstrous brat would kill everyone, and they refused to permit its
pregnancy to be terminated anyway? Why, that makes them accessories to mass murder!
Oh, my God! Those fiends!
See what happens when abortion is banned without exception?
We get all these monster babies killing and eating everyone all the time, and
the Antichrist dragging the world into a pandemonium of degradation and
obliteration! Have these conservative fanatics no hearts? No souls? To punish
the world in a miasma of brimstone and blood and torment from hell itself, just
because they’re not willing to be flexible? Well, they probably figure they’ll
just be raptured away anyway, so what difference does it make to them? In fact,
perhaps they’re trying to ban abortion specifically so the
Antichrist will be born,
triggering the apocalypse, and they can (indirectly) punish the heathen scum
(like me) for supporting a woman’s right to choose and stuff.
But weren’t we supposed to love our enemies as ourselves,
and not to judge? Oh, well: that stuff’s not as much fun as judging and forcing
our will upon others anyway, now is it?
