Okay, so now we’ve got some joker giving Charlie Brown a
tour through the MetLife building, telling this little kid about how easy it is
to get life insurance. Really? I mean, I know Charlie Brown in accident-prone
and everything, but seriously: this seems like a real waste of these characters! (They even have Lucy working the phone
{!!}. She’s going to lose her temper, chew everybody out, and lose them all
their business! Plus, she’ll demand a king’s ransom, or else she’ll get child
protective services on them and charge them with child labor offenses! They
don’t know what they’re getting themselves into here! {He says “She’s not
supposed to do that…”, but that’s not enough of a disclaimer to get around
Lucy’s schemes! But at least they don’t have The Powerpuff Girls or the Tasmanian Devil working there: they always destroy everything! [Smash!]})
Okay, look: How about we do something we all know: Charlie
Brown’s accident-prone spastic loserosity. Okay? Okay. So they could say
something about accident and/or health insurance, and show Charlie Brown
getting the football pulled out from his foot by Lucy, whereupon he goes flying
through the air, falls on his back, and gets hurt. So then they could say that
no matter how much you may have been at fault with your own gullibility, they
will cover you with no hassle. (And Lucy is covered with the accident liability
policy, and Charlie Brown with the health insurance policy.)
And how about the kite-eating tree? Sure, most adults
wouldn’t want to insure a kite, but a little kid wouldn’t care to insure a car
either, but they might want to insure a
kite, so it’s a metaphor for whatever you do care about. So in this case, MetLife could have an
ad showing how Charlie Brown gets his kite eaten by the kite eating tree, and
then Snoopy (representing MetLife: he is their mascot, after all.) would bring
him another kite, and another kite, etc., until it’s an all-you-can-eat
kite-feast for the tree, but Charlie Brown still gets his kite replaced no
matter what, because he’s covered.
Or, how about this? Lucy could give someone bad psychiatric
advice for 5¢, and they attempt suicide, or get depressed and sue her for
malpractice. Then MetLife could cover both the patient and Lucy, and everybody’s happy (except MetLife: but that’s
what they get for offering malpractice insurance to a little kid impersonating
a psychiatrist! I mean, really! Talk about irresponsible!).
Here’s the cartoon call-center commercial:
And here’s another one that’s similar, but cuter (Yes, a
captive audience is the only way I could see a kid putting up with a lecture
about insurance.):
