Well, Robin van Persie has transferred from Arsenal to
Manchester United, and that’s not sitting well with apparent rabid Arsenal fan
Piers Morgan, who called van Persie names, bitched and moaned, etc., in a series of Twitter rants. (I’ll let
you read them for yourself in the link below.) But you know, Piers, maybe
there’s a reason for this transfer that you’re not aware of.
Maybe, without Piers Morgan in London anymore, Robin van
Persie felt betrayed by Morgan’s absence, and felt he could no longer play at
100% with such a disloyal celebrity fan. You know, Piers, maybe this is the real
reason for the transfer: you betrayed him first? Perhaps playing soccer lost all its meaning
for van Persie without Piers there anymore?
And you know, Piers, maybe there’s some other kind of
situation that came up that you couldn’t possibly understand. Like maybe, for
example, van Persie got caught up in some, oh, I don’t know, maybe a soccer
ball hacking scandal, and he felt he’d better get out of London before he got
caught and got in trouble for it, so he transferred to another team somewhere
far away, where they’d have to question him on Skype, and if he happened to lie
under oath, and some celebrity model and ex-wife of some famous superstar proved he perjured himself by testifying he got some
illicit soccer ball from a source other than the one he claimed in his testimony, he’d be too
far away for them to be able to do anything about it. I’m sure you couldn’t
understand any kind of situation like that happening to anyone, but try to be
understanding if you can, okay? Maybe you should reserve judgment until all the facts are in. (Unless... Hey, Piers Morgan couldn’t possibly have some kind of insider source for getting private information about van Persie the rest of us couldn’t access, like, maybe, for example, secret access to van Persie's private emails, voice mails, etc., could he? If he could get that, maybe he could have a more complete understanding of the situation than anyone else knows, and if so, then perhaps his Twitter rant would be more on-target than anyone is aware of. But I'm sure Mr. Morgan would never do anything like that, right?)
Piers, we all know you’re perfect, but the rest of humanity
is flawed. It must suck for you to have to share the Earth with us losers, but
please try to stand it if you can, okay? But at least you spazzed out on
Twitter like those Internet “trolls” you generally disparage. Your Twitter hissy
fit, or TwittyFit™ (“Twissy Fit”?), just shows that you’re only human after
all. (Oh, and also kind of a hypocrite.)
Here’s the story of the twit’s tweets:
