When I was a tiny tyke, there were ads with the former
Olympian Suzy Chaffee claiming to have changed her name to Suzy ChapStick so
she could shill for ChapStick. This silly ad campaign has never left my twisted
mind, so every time I see a famous athlete whose name sounds like anything, I
think they should change it to sell stuff in ads (like Eli Manning could become
“Eli Manwich” and sell Manwich Sloppy Joe sauce, etc.). And now that there’s a
new Olympics going on right now, I keep hearing the name Phil Dalhausser, and I
think about how that sounds like “Doll Houser”. And so, naturally, using the
Suzy ChapStick model, I think of how great it would be for Phil Dalhausser to
become Phil Doll Houser, and then he could be the spokesman for the Barbie
Dream House. Wouldn’t that be fun?
And if Phil Dalhausser became Phil Doll Houser, he could do
ads where he plays with the Barbie Dream House with other Beach Volleyball
greats, like Kerri Walsh Jennings; and Phil could be Ken, and Kerri could be
Barbie. Now wouldn’t it be fun? And then
Mattel could make a whole new Beach Volleyball Barbie beach house, and a new
Beach Volleyball Barbie beach bum van, with all kinds of beach stuff in it, and
it would come with doll-sized Olympic medals, teensy bikinis, mini volleyballs,
beach umbrellas, etc. (And a free Surf Punks CD!) And it would all have a
scratch & sniff coating that made it smell like Coppertone and seaweed. Now wouldn’t you buy one?
(This is just a silly joke. No offense to legendary Olympic
Beach Volleyball champion Phil Dalhausser, I hope! I am a fan of his!)
