Hey, what makes an impending auto accident more bearable? Why,
it’s the sensation of being sexually harassed by your car first! And it’s this
thinking that helped devise the new Cadillac seat sensor that tickles your
bottom if you’re about to have an accident. And after all, who wouldn’t slam on
the brakes when the car grabs their ass, rather than jamming on the gas pedal
out of surprise and disgust? (Why, that could never happen!)
The next systems they’re working on for the Cadillac are
reportedly a computer voice that yells: “Hey baby!” and whistles at you when someone walks by the car, an airbag that smothers the driver (and
passenger) with kisses in the event of an accident, seatbelt shoulder straps
that grab your boobs when you stop short, and a stick shift that dry humps you
if you fail to make your payments on time. (Just remember: you can’t sue a car
for sexual harassment! That’s also part of the thinking that went into these
features!)
Here’s the ass-assaulting auto accessory article (I wanted
to make fun of the TV commercial, but I can’t find it online {even though I
just saw it again on TV last night!}, so this article will have to do: sorry.):
