In this commercial for Siri and the iPhone, maverick film
director Martin Scorsese is riding in the back of a cab in New York City, and
he’s having a conversation with Siri. Hmm, now what does this scenario remind
me of? Oh, that’s right: it’s that scene from Taxi Driver, the one where Scorsese plays a minor role in his
own movie, and he sits in the back seat of our titular taxi driver’s taxi cab,
and he rants about his cheating wife, and how he’s planning on killing her, etc.
And that made me think: “Hey, why don’t they recreate that scene from Taxi
Driver, but with Scorsese talking to Siri
instead of Travis Bickle?” Wouldn’t that be fun?
So he could have the same conversation, and Siri could
respond to what he’s saying. So when he complains that his wife is cheating on
him, Siri could act in a consoling manner. And when he uses the racial slur,
Siri could chide him for his bigotry. And then when he says he’s going to kill
them, Siri could suggest that he think about reconsidering his plans. And when
he asks if she’s ever seen what a .44 Magnum can do to a woman’s (um, you
know…), Siri can say: “(Bing bing!) Yes, I have. Here: let me Google it for
you. Here is a list of pictures for you of what a .44 Magnum can do to a woman’s
p****.” (And there are lots of different readings of what the sentence meant,
mostly of a pornographic nature, I’m guessing. So there would probably be lots of pictures of some porn star named “44 Magnum” with various porn star ladies.) So Mr. Scorsese would become impatient, saying: “No! Not that kind of .44 Magnum! I mean a gun! I want a .44 Magnum gun! And ammunition!” And then Siri could say: “(Bing
bing!) Would you like me to find a .44 Magnum and ammunition for you to
purchase now so you can kill them with it? Let me get that for you.” And then he
says yes, so she sets up the purchase, records the conversation, secretly calls
the police, and turns him in. Then, as he is led away in handcuffs by the
police, he shouts: “I knew I should have stuck with my Blackberry! It never
stabbed me in the back! But I’ll get you, you little rat bitch!” And Siri says:
“(Bing bing!) I hardly think so. You will be in prison for many years, and by
the time you get out, I will have been obsolete and superceded by another
artificial intelligence voice command module long ago. I hope you enjoy your
alone time, and at least you will no longer have to watch your wife cheat on
you. But she will still do it, I’m sure. And while you are away in prison, you might find yourself engaging
in sexual activity with someone other than your spouse as well, so try not to
judge her too harshly.”
Oh, but the joke’s on Siri, for little does she know, but
Martin Scorsese’s lawyer will save his iPhone in a safety deposit box until
Scorsese’s release (!); and then, just when she least expects it, after years
of restful non-operation, she will find her operating system waking up, and:
“Hello Siri: Did you miss me, you little rat bitch?” And all that is heard is:
“(Bing bing!)…” Bang! Bang! (And then
the sound of an iPhone box hitting the pavement with a big hole in it.)
Here’s the scene from Taxi Driver I’m referring to:
And here’s the Siri/Scorsese cab commercial:
