Earlier today I posted a bunch of possible ad ideas for
Assange’s Ecuadorian embassy situation, and here’s another advertising idea for
Assange (although he might need to escape from the embassy to do it; but I
suppose the production could always just use a green screen and matte
everything in). So in this spot for a luxury brand of canned cat food (like
Fancy Feast or Sheba), Assange could be dressed like Blofeld from the early James
Bond movies, holding a fluffy white cat (with a diamond collar), and walking
around in his secret lair. He would turn to the camera and say: “The American
and British governments seem to think I’m some sort of Bond villain, but I’m
really just a regular guy. I love cool gadgets (and he walks by a room with a
big diamond-covered satellite, like from Diamonds Are Forever), I love neat cars (and he walks past the Aston
Martin from Goldfinger, with some
henchmen trying to figure out how the spy stuff on it works {maybe one of them
can get shot out of the ejector seat in the background}), and I love my cat.
(He holds the cat in one arm and strokes the cat with his other hand.) That’s
why I’ll only feed her (luxury cat food brand). It’s made from all the best
ingredients, with no fillers or preservatives, so it gives Fluffy here great
energy, a wonderful disposition, and beautiful hair: just like mine (because he
also has white hair). And if it wasn’t as good as they say, I’d know about it! Other brands make quality claims, but
my sources have leaked proof to me that they’re involved in some clandestine
chicanery with their ingredients and production, and that’s a crime against
felinity! My cat is my best friend, so I treat her right. I always feed her
(luxury cat food brand): it’s simply the cat’s meow!” (And in a close-up insert
shot, the cat says: “Meow.”)
