I was listening to old music from my childhood on YouTube, and as is the case more and more these days, there was an ad beforehand that I couldn’t even skip after a few seconds. (This is a new oppressive trend from advertisers who actually want people to watch their ads for a change. Of course, they forget that this might make people mad and remember the ad for that…) And this turned out to be a commercial for Colgate Optic White toothpaste, where it looked like the person who used it had blindingly white teeth. And that’s when it hit me: why not make an ad about literally blindingly white teeth to communicate the idea that one brand is the best at whitening teeth?
So here’s how this might work: Some young woman who (naturally) looks like a model (of course!) walks out of a dentist’s office, and as she smiles at her friend who is there to drive her home, her smile is so blindingly white, it blinds everyone on the road, and there’s a tragic multi-car pile-up that kills lots of people, all because her smile is so white, it blinds everybody.
Oh, and here’s another idea, just to drive the point home: Some sexy model-looking (of course, again!) woman is meeting her brother at the airport, and when he arrives, she smiles, which blinds everyone, causing multiple plane crashes killing hundreds, if not thousands, of people. (Oh, the humanity!) Which just goes to show you, their toothpaste or mouthwash or whatever it is whitens teeth the most!
Oh, but then terrorists find out about this, and they all use Colgate Optic White, and they cause mayhem and destruction galore with their blindingly white smiles, and whenever they get caught, they just smile, blind everyone and make their escape! The world is powerless to stop the carnage! And all because of the ultra-white smiles from Colgate Optic White! (This will be good for selling their stuff to militant groups. Hey, they need sexy white teeth too, right?)
Okay, well how about this one, just to brighten up the tone here a bit: A gang of bank robbers is about to pull off a big job, stealing a record amount of loot from one of the banks that helped cause the big economic crash, but they need a diversion. Oh, but never fear, for one of their girlfriends uses Colgate Optic White! So she just enters the bank and smiles, instantly blinding everyone and whiting out all the security camera feeds. And so the bank robbers enter wearing welding masks to block out the blinding light, and they steal everything and repatriate money to people who lost everything, and all thanks to Colgate Optic White toothpaste! Hooray!
See? You really do need ultra-white teeth after all!
