Hey, with childhood obesity such a threat to our nation these days, why not make a new horror movie series to beat us over the head with to be sure we all realize what horror awaits us due to our children's obesity? Then Hollywood could help the government indoctrinate Americans into their health food agenda, and everyone would get used to the idea that yummy snacks are a dastardly threat not only to humanity (yawn!) but also a threat to the very future of America! (What? A threat to America? Those tasty snack cakes and sodas and such are obviously a communist plot to destroy America! Quick: destroy the sweets!)
And what better title for this horror movie series than: Children of the Corn Syrup? Here's how the horrifying plot might work:
In midwestern America, a nice couple is trying to raise its family appropriately, encouraging good values and a healthy diet, but unfortunately, evil corporate food marketers lure their children into trying snack cakes and sodas sweetened with corn syrup (!), and once they take that first taste (which is free, of course: every drug dealer knows to make the first taste free just to get their victims addicted!), they become raving addicts of corn syrup (!!). And the more they consume, the more the corn syrup possesses them and swells their body size! And pretty soon, society cannot control these enormous children and their ravenous appetite for destruction (and corn syrup)! And as they become obese enough to look essentially like giant medicine balls, whenever an adult tries to deny them their corn syrupy treats, the children of the corn syrup crush them to death by rolling over them (!!!). And pretty soon, the children all band together and form a long line and steamroll all of the Midwest to crush all rebellion against their corn syrupy demands! It's a sticky situation for America! Can we survive the horror of Children of the Corn Syrup, or is it already too late?
That's Children of the Corn Syrup: Coming to a theater near you! (Can you stand the waistline-widening terror?)
(BTW: This is just a joke movie idea, but a fake trailer for a horror movie like this might make a good PSA advocating for healthy diets for children and encouraging parents to raise their children to make healthier food choices. {But, obviously it wouldn't be quite as ridiculous as what I have written above. It would have to emphasize the possession angle and the threat of obesity without looking like it's being insultingly ridiculing of overweight children. The idea would be to show corn syrup as a malevolent force causing the obesity epidemic like an ancient evil spirit possession or a controlling alien entity or something.})
