Over the past few years, William Devane has made a slew of
television commercials for the gold-hawking company Rosland Capital. If you
watch these ads, it becomes pretty clear that he likes gold a lot. He basically
raves about it and obsesses over it to what seems like an almost unhealthy
degree, which makes him seem a bit like that Bond villain Goldfinger.
Now that may sound like a joke, but the more I see of these
ads, the more I’m becoming convinced that these ads are nothing more than a big
plot for William Devane to get even more gold for himself. You see, in some of
these spots, he asks: “What’s in your
safe?” A-Ha! See what I mean
here? He’s trying to get us to tell him what gold we have in our safes, so he can
come and steal it (!). (Don’t fall for his rustic charm and tell him, for God’s
sake!)
But the real tell is here: In one of these commercials,
William Devane is flying around in a private plane, talking about gold. It’s
just like those planes from Goldfinger
where Pussy Galore and her flying aces flew over Fort Knox with that knockout
gas (!!). So it’s obvious what he’s planning to do here: He’s trying to get us
to tell him who among us has gold, and then he’s going to fly across the country
with that knockout gas and break into all of our safes and steal all of our
gold while we’re asleep! (The fiend!) Heck, Rosland Capital even gives out
free safes with their gold, obviously so they can find them using GPS and
William Devane can come steal them later!
And on top of that, he makes ads raving about how the world
is in crisis, showing shocking video of civil unrest, so that when we wake up
and our gold is all gone, we’ll think it was the financial crisis and cultural
instability that’s responsible, and we won’t suspect that it was, in fact, William
“Goldfinger” Devane who did it! (What a
brilliant criminal mastermind, using annoying TV commercials to find out who to
rob for all the gold he can eat! {He has a ravenous appetite for gold, I hear!})
Here are a couple examples of these golden ads:
Sorry, I can’t find the one with the airplane, but here’s
one with a horse; because after all, he could always ride the horse around
robbing our safes for gold to make him feel like an old Western movie villain (He is an actor, you know.):
(Just kidding: William Devane probably isn’t going to steal
all your gold. {Just most of it!})
